School of Life 101

So many changes, so many transitions, so many sleepless nights.

I've been focusing on the last month in preparing my daughter for her first year of school. Telling her all about what "school" will look like, how much fun it will be to learn more letters and numbers, and when I asked her what she was looking forward to, she said in a confident voice "meeting new friends!" She's turning out to be a social butterfly.

I've looked into her eyes and assured her that I'm proud of her bravery for trying to go to school the first day, and that it was ok to just make it into the hallway, and for putting her shoes and family picture into her cubby. I ask her if she's proud of herself, and I tell her that I love her no matter what.

It's the encouraging words for myself that are scarce. "This is going to be so good for you, you just both have to get through the first few day, or weeks, whatever it takes." Of course I can get through this too. I know that this is necessary for her sense of being, and mine as well...but I wasn't as confident in preparing myself as I was her that first day and both our tears flowed freely. But how to get through it...it's a popular topic amongst my mom-friends who are experiencing the same thing...and we've no answers, only lots of knowing nods and encouraging love for one another. My heart swells with it all...

I now get that we're both expereiencing our own rites of passage. She's venturing to a new place, an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar faces and routine, and she's doing it with tenacity. I have more time to do other things, for myself and others, and none of the two and half hrs include doing anything for her. It's weird, and wonderful and scary...and I feel like a toddler walking on new found limbs, intuitively following a need and desire to move in a different way, without direction, just conviction and exhilaration.

"Readiness isn't a matter of knowing what's going to happen. It's a matter of daring to find out." I read this the other night knew it was something that I've been doing all along through this particular school journey, and something that my daughter is learning as well.