i lack his determination to fight

death blows
unless you're suffering, and then I know first hand that death is a blessing

except for those left behind

6 hours before i was going to visit him in the hospital, my uncle died
at first they gave him 3 to 6 months
then, thursday, it was a matter of days or weeks
8am today the tollman came, wiped the pain from my uncles brow and led him away

it's no comfort that i know he's near...his spirit...because i didn't get to say goodbye
i can't remember what i said to him back in february on my father's 65th birthday
but i remember the first time i met him 30+ years ago

i feel the irresistable urge to spend the next few hours being reckless
oblivious to responsibilites and confinement of an adult life
loosing myself in a warehouse of strangers and ear-splitting base music

but i'm nothing close to reckless

i flirt with the idea of getting polluted

but tomorrow will still come
the memorial still to attend
hugs and tears to bestow on others grieving too

so i think and write and implore the day to end