With the many changes that are occurring in regards to my role within my family and community, inevitably the gremlins are bombarding me again.
I sat listening to their many voices today for 15 minutes while driving home. It was like being ambushed in a dark room by unknown faces, but familiar voices. I tried to argue with them, I tried to reason with them...I even sought out the perfect song on the radio to drown them out.
And you know what finally worked? Tenacious whispers above all their berating cacophony: "Who says ya gotta listen to them?" "Who says that what they are saying is the truth?" "Who says that just because they're trying to sabotage your transformation, they'll succeed?!" "WHO SAYS??!!"
It was clear that the part of me that usually abandons ship before it may sink was not giving up this time. It was clear that the current dreams I was working so hard to realize were louder than I knew. It was clear that the door was jammed open instead of nailed shut.
And suddenly, the anxiety and oppression I was feeling, quickly evaporated. I was able to rationalize with my thoughts...and all of a sudden I was taking ownership of the gremlins, rather than feeling I was being controlled by them. What they were warning me about was taking on too much too soon. While my enthusiasm is all fine and well, realistically I couldn't ignore that I'm still healing emotionally from my depression. Right now, just putting all my ducks in a row is exhausting, albeit exhilarating. I can't ignore that and if I push myself beyond my capacity, I will risk my own mentally health and not be good to anyone, most of all my family.
I sat listening to their many voices today for 15 minutes while driving home. It was like being ambushed in a dark room by unknown faces, but familiar voices. I tried to argue with them, I tried to reason with them...I even sought out the perfect song on the radio to drown them out.
And you know what finally worked? Tenacious whispers above all their berating cacophony: "Who says ya gotta listen to them?" "Who says that what they are saying is the truth?" "Who says that just because they're trying to sabotage your transformation, they'll succeed?!" "WHO SAYS??!!"
It was clear that the part of me that usually abandons ship before it may sink was not giving up this time. It was clear that the current dreams I was working so hard to realize were louder than I knew. It was clear that the door was jammed open instead of nailed shut.
And suddenly, the anxiety and oppression I was feeling, quickly evaporated. I was able to rationalize with my thoughts...and all of a sudden I was taking ownership of the gremlins, rather than feeling I was being controlled by them. What they were warning me about was taking on too much too soon. While my enthusiasm is all fine and well, realistically I couldn't ignore that I'm still healing emotionally from my depression. Right now, just putting all my ducks in a row is exhausting, albeit exhilarating. I can't ignore that and if I push myself beyond my capacity, I will risk my own mentally health and not be good to anyone, most of all my family.
So I've made peace with my gremlins for now. I know their heart is in the right place, even if they can't keep their mouths shut.
I'm not quite sure who keeps handing me these nuggets of wisdom. That's not true, I do know...She's Wise and Loud and Sure of Herself and where She's going...about damn time too.
8 comments:
Can I get a Whoo~hoo!!!!
YES
this was so wonderful to read!
thanks for the tenacious shout out loud!
(((HUGS))))
WOOOOT!!! You're rocking it. Those gremlins just don't know the powerhouse of a creative storm they're dealing with. You can do whatever you set your mind and spirit to, you magical woman.
Thanks to Jamie's help, I have navigated myself here to your inspiring waters. What a positive approach to gremlins. Mine tell me I will never escape, to give in. To stay where I am.
We hear them but we do not need to listen to them.
Interesting you can honour them, I had never thought of that. You have given me something to think about. :)
OK, back to my cave, just had to write.
It is so inspiring to see a powerful, wise woman standing up to those gremlins and saying "I'm not going to take it anymore!"
Bravo! Those creepy crawlies of the mind don't stand a chance!!!
Sounds like you have the kind of inner strength and creativity to beat anything, even the blues.
Btw, I'm teamed up with you to share our favorite pages from the WTJ book! I can't wait to swap! :)
E-mail me and I'll pass on my address!
Cheers from Miami,
"Scarlet"
This is a great post! (Cool new blog look too!)
I'm overcome with anxiety sometimes too, and I love how you took control and snuffed out the gremlins...very hard to do.
Yay for you, you're doing it!
Yes, yes, yes, and three cheers for you - you, my sweet, are a goddess, a real full blown, "kick ass" Amazon goddess.
Hello dear one,
Received your email and replied yesterday. I don't check email every day, but I'm not too bad about it!
LoVe your new name and all that it conjures! Gremlins are cool, just don't feed them after midnight, put them in water, and watch out for Stripe! :) http://tinyurl.com/5le2yn
I see you're still shakin' the tree! Woot!
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