wisdom on my mat

"what is my true heart's desire?"

That was the question we were prompted to ask ourselves last night in Tara's meditation class. But I couldn't stay connected long enough to my heart to see anything beyond colors, a question we were asked previously. I was distracted by the discomfort in my back from sitting upright, dudes downstairs in the bar cheering on Canada through a 52inch tv screen, and just the need to get back to my mug of chamomile tea nearby.

Instead of sitting in frustration and dissappointment with myself, I simply held the image of my heart and it's colors, envisioning instead, how it would look painted on my dreamboard...and if it's message would be revealed then. Anticipation can be joy itself.

This is the third meditation class I've participated in, and I'm always reminded by Tara's gentle, nurturing voice that this isn't about how long I stay in the "watching-my-thoughts-go-by-instead-of-being-engaged-by-them-hoping-for-nirvana" state, but rather, when I do feel glimpses of that connectedness, what is revealed...

As I've sat on my mat during these past few months, and especially during our latest 30-day challenge, I'm constantly reminded by our teachers, and yes, now even my own inner teacher, that judging myself about what I'm not achieving is blinding me from what I am ~ acceptance of what is, letting go of what isn't, and knowing that that all might change tomorrow, next week, or even in my next breath.