Sunday, January 18, 2009

Honoring my Inspirations ~ Secret #2

sabotaging gremlin: ha! how are you going to make 15 mins. to listen for your muses a day?
me: but i can make time.
sg: no you can't! and you can't make a space for creativity to flow through you because there's no space for that anywhere, in your day, in your attitude and in your small house!
me: i'm not listening to you! this is so typical, i get enthusiastic about something and then you come along and burst my bubble. I WANT THIS DAMMIT!
sg: so what. you've wanted other things in your life; your holistic career, to help other women suffering from post-partum depression...and you've let all that slip away because you just don't have what it takes to be successful in anything.
me: i do have what it takes, you're wrong! but i get easily swayed by your brutal disregard for my dreams because...well i don't know why....but i don't want to listen to you anymore.

i want another voice. my inner creative self cant' get through for all my gremlin's yelling..

i want to quit...chapter 2 and i want to quit because i feel i can't make the time or space to meet the challenges laid out in this chapter. and if i can't make time for these things, at chapter 2 (!!), how the hell am i going to make time for the rest of the challenges? i've tried to be listen... a couple of times...but nothing.


sg: let's just forget about it! let's go back to pushing down your "creative spark" (what a joke) and focusing on whatever else. there are alot of other people that don't get to do what they want to do, why should you be any different?

this time i want it to be different. this time i need it to be different. this feels like my last-chance saloon.

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